Ave Maria
by wrath
Summary: When so close to death, some can lose all faith in the joys of life -NOW COMPLETE
1. Cancer

Just a little something I was working on the side. It's going to be a three-piece story but I don't think I'll be able to update it frequently, as Sin's of the Father is my main priority.

Ave Maria

Part I: Cancer

Isn't it funny that with a few words, your whole life can be turned upside-down? A few carefully chosen words like…

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Sunderland but there's nothing we can do" And poof, there goes reality. Suddenly, everything your so sure of dissolves into nothing and your left with nothing but a cold empty feeling. You no longer no what tomorrow will bring, heck, even if you'll see it.

I can remember sitting in that sterile, cold room and listening to that over weight and over paid quack rambling on about how this desise, this cancer was going to eat up my respiratory system and most of my body along with it. He made it sound no more serious than a bad cold or case of flu, for fear that if he was too compassionate, he may actually feel sorry for me or see me as a fellow human being.

I can remember squeezing James's hand just that little bit tighter.

Of course there were pills and a handful of expensive medical courses that could slow it down but the end result would be the same.  

We drove home from the hospital in silence, except for the cascade of rain that beat relentlessly against the windshield. Just the thought of talking seemed uncomfortable, as much as both of us wanted to put an end to the quietness that filled the car. Instead, James just stared on ahead at the road while I let my head rest limply against the window, jutting with every bump the car made and not really noticing the dull pain that was building up on my forehead.

"James, I'm_"

"It's not your fault." The answer came a little too quickly and a little too curtly for me to believe him.

The sound of rain slowly filled up the car again, as if someone had accidentally left the roof open and we were slowly drowning in the water.

"James?"

"What?" He sounded as if he was trying to keep his temper under control but failing to keep a leash on it. In truth I didn't know what I was going to ask him but anything seemed better than the awful silence.

"Let's go back."

"Back where?"

"To Silent Hill."

He agreed as we pulled up in front of our house but I think both of us really knew that we wouldn't be going back to that town, at least not in this lifetime.

That night, I bored a deep hole into the ceiling as James breathed softly next to me. I guess the cogs of my mind where whirring away to quickly for it to succumb to sleep. Anyway, who needs sleep, Lord knows I'd be getting enough of it soon enough.

For some reason the idea struck me as incredibly funny, as cold as it was. I let a cold bray of mirthless laughter ring through the dark bedroom, bouncing of the walls like a hyperactive child.

"Mary?" James's voice was heavy with lethargy as he rolled over. Perhaps he was worried my brain had started to turn to mush, but I wasn't that far gone, at least not yet.

"Are you sure your alright?" From the moment we'd crossed our house, the shell of cold brooding James had wrapped himself in had cracked, giving away to constant worrying. I whished he wouldn't.

"I'm fine, honestly." Even in the dark I could feel his eyes examining me, trying to penetrate the blanket of false reassurance I was hiding under.

"Can't we just forget about it for a while?" I didn't want to worry my self to death about my mortality.

"Jesus Mary, you're going to die!" I felt the bed groan strenuously as he sat up violently. "You can't just ignore something like that!" 

Maybe before he said it, I hadn't really accepted it, but when those words coming from his mouth, it seemed to seal the inevitability of my situation. The sharpness of his tone cut me deeper than the doctor's words ever could and I recoiled from him.

"Your right, I can't just overlook_" I was shocked at how my words seemed to mock him.

"Don't be like that!"

"Like what?"

With a huff, he rolled over and turned his back on me.

"You act as though I'm making this worse."

Whatever I had been expecting, it wasn't that. In the darkness, I watched as he fumed silently and turned away. Already I could feel the tears well up at the corners of my eyes as something slowly dawned on me.

I was more of a cancer than this desieas could ever be.


	2. Me, myself and I

First off, I want to thank Rodarian for giving me the idea for this chapter, which is a hell of a lot more exciting than my original idea. Also, my neither my computer or I know how to spell desies (illness) incace you were wondering what this strange word that keeps on cropping up means.

Part 2: Me, myself and I

Over time, life at home became nothing more than a memory as my visits to the hospital grew more frequent as the desies slowly consumed me. But I 'd be lying if I told you that those memories of my final days with James were ones to cherish.

At first, he seemed simply annoyed but then annoyance grew to bitterness, bitterness flourished into anger that in turn gave way to resent.

Eventually, it got to a point where a fight would break out over the most insignificant thing and I could tell that he blamed me for everything that was going wrong in his life. He never said it but the message was loud enough.

Conversations would grow dry; evaporating into empty silences after only a few spars words had been exchanged until we stopped even trying to engage each other.

Our situation was impossible; He didn't want to be burdened with a wife who couldn't, no, at first I wouldn't admit she was dieing. James would occasionally say a hope filled word but there was never any substance to them. I think it was the look of sheer defeat whenever he forced himself to say them that finally crushed any faith of my own.

I loved life, so did my husband but what was the point of enforcing this half -life that I had to endure on him? I was almost relieved when the doctors told me that maybe it would be for the best if I stayed at the hospital until things looked up, of course, they never would. I was sinking and there was no lifeline for me to grab onto.

For a while, things improved, James would come to visit and we would be happy. We could pretend to be that happily married couple we once were, if only for a short time but slowly things were taking a turn for the worse.

*   *   *

I'd been waiting for him to come all day and despite all I've said, I was looking forward to it. James's visits were a break in the daily repertoire of enjoying an ever-growing pain that slowly drained all colour from my world and taking a never-ending supply of pills. Sure, they'd numb the pain but the drug like limbo I'd sink into was even worse somehow. Suddenly, a pane of frosted glass would come between me and the outside world lost its substance as the drugs would work their magic, killing of cells and god knows what as my body slowly rotted. After a month, I couldn't even bring myself to look in a mirror anymore. The sick, desised creature that stared back at me was just a hideous reminder of what James would have to behold, if he ever came to visit. 

Seeing myself, I couldn't blame him for not wanting to endure my company. Whatching a loved one hollow out into an empty husk must be almost as bad as seeing the disgust in their eyes every time they bring themselves to look at you.

Five o'clock came and went yet the ticking hands of the clock did not bring James. I waited helplessly, what else could I do? I was trapped by my 'condition', unable to anything about it. Slowly, as the minuet hand continued its waltz over the numbers painted on the face, my feeling of abandoned grew.

And that's when _she_ appeared.

Maybe _she_ was the reason I'd stopped looking in the mirror. I would have rather seen the shell that I was slowly devolving into than _her…_

"Tick-tock, Mary,"

The other half of the room had sunk into darkness as the sun began to conclude its journey over the earth and there _she_ sat, in her black domain. Slouched in the harsh green visitor's chair, legs crossed and that revolting, triumphant grin that would rival the Cheshire cat's slapped on _her_ face.

"I know you can hear me _Mary_." She spat, my name sounding like dirty gravel as it rolled from her mouth. "So why are you trying to ignore me?"

"Your not real…" I rasped as anything above a whisper set my throat on fire.

"My god, the great Mary horned me with an answer!" She laughed, sending the air ringing with her cool, mirthless giggle. Slowly she rose and slunk out of he kingdom of shadow, into the light. I clamped my eyes shut, trying to erase the image of _her _face from my mind but I was to late.

I had seen my antagonist's face but it was no strange visage.

It was my own.

"Still trying to pretend I'm not here, huh?" She ran her fingers over the ruffled bed sheet, prowling towards me like some feline predator. "You know," She continued, drawling slowly. _She _was enjoying this. "Without me you'd have no one and don't try to deny it. Tell me," She sat down on the bed. I shuffled away from her until my back hit the wall with a soft thud, watching her from behind bent knees. The woman who was I, yet not turned to me and grinned maliciously with painted lips.

"Why isn't James rushing here to sweep you off your feet like the knight in shinning armour you make him out to be?" I shrived back under her heartless gaze, feeling like nothing more than a bug under her foot, waiting for _her_ to crush me. But I knew she'd let her foot come down slowly.

"It's so easy, ya want me to let you in on a little something?"

"Shut up!" I growled but _she_ just laughed in my face.

"Your not **me**!" I slunk back even further but there was no escape from her cruel words that burnt inside my skull. She watched my pain with rapture.

"You could never be what he wanted or satisfy his urges, especially not now. Hell, I wouldn't prod you with a ten foot pole let alone touch you the way James wants to"

I squeezed my eyes shut, so hard that a display of Technicolor blazed behind my lids. _She_ silently surveyed her handiwork, letting her tongue slide playfully over her white carnivorous teeth.

"Hey, don't get so worked up over it!" I watched with malice as my tormentor rose up from the bed and slowly sauntered over to my bedside table.

"Your nothing, just some part of my mind or side effect of the pill_"

"Oh please, don't patronize me with that crap. Although they do have you on some pretty trippy stuff..."

She stared down at the table, littered with a whole menagerie of medication and scooped up one of the plastic containers.

"What the hell are these?! Horse tranquillisers? Hey, you could swallow all of these and really give that desies of yours something to chew on!"

She threw back her head and roared with mirth.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!" I grabbed the closest thing I could get my hands on, a heavy pitcher of water, and hurled it at the woman. Of course, with my liquidated muscles, the jug didn't get very far before it came crashing to the floor, splintering into a thousand shards of crystal.

Panting, I looked up to find that I was alone.

The door clicked and in stepped James.
    
    "What do you want, James?" He stopped, shifting uncomfortably before producing something from behind his back and I saw that _she_ was right. He didn't want to be here.
    
    "I, uh I brought you some flowers..." He trailed off, holding out his limp offering. This had to be a joke.
    
    "Flowers?  I don't want any damn flowers.  Just go home already." I snapped, my voice void of compassion.
    
    "Mary, what are you saying?" I felt something inside me snap. Why did we have to keep up this ridiculous farce? It wasn't doing either of us any good. 
    
    "Look!" I shouted, feeling my throat peel under the force of my cry. "I'm disgusting!  I don't deserve flowers.  Between the disease and the drugs, I look like a monster." I glanced up and saw James staring at me as though I'd gone completely insane. Maybe I had…
    
    "Well what are you looking at? Get the hell out of here.  Leave me alone already!  I'm no use to anyone." My voice slowed, dropping to a sad whisper. "I'll be dead soon anyway.  Maybe today, maybe tomorrow.... It would be easier if they'd just kill me." The memory of _her_ offering me the entire box of pills came floating back. "But I guess the hospital is making a nice profit off me," I spat. "They want to keep me alive...." James was still staring at, his mouth hung open in shock from this sudden out burst. The flowers dangled from his hand hanging at his side.
    
    "Are you still here?  I told you to go!  Are you deaf?!  Don't come back!"
    
    The look of hurt surprise fell from his face, warping into a thunderous scowl. He gave me one last dark glower before turning to the door and I saw the effect my words had had upon him. I had scared him in a way I never thought possible. Guilt welled up in me but when I saw him turn his back, it dissolved into naked fear.
    
    "James....  Wait....  Please don't go....  Stay with me. Don't leave me alone. I didn't mean what I said." Desperation was begging to take hold of me. "Please James....  Tell me I'll be okay.  Tell me I'm not going to die."
    
    He grabbed the door, trying to escape the sound of my pleas and I saw that he was truly going to abandon me. In my bitterness, I had supplied him with all he needed to get up and leave. I stood up, reaching out to James in some vain attempt to stop him, only to fall flat on my face as my worthless legs buckled beneath me. 
    
     "Help me..." I chocked, trying to hold back the tears threatening to spill from my eyes. From where I lay, helpless on the ground I saw the look of utter contempt he shot me over his shoulder at the pitiful shell that begged for his company.
    
    I'd already collapsed completely when the sound of the door slamming shut flooded the tiny oppressive room that held me prisoner, crying helplessly.
    
    From the shadows that slumbered around the door, I could feel the other me, the only part that James had ever cared for whatching as I curled up into a foetal position on the cold and sterile floor.
    
    That was when the tiny hand of a child planted itself softly on my back. Opening my tear stained eyes, I saw the face of a blond haired girl stare back at me with sorrowful, blue eyes.
    
    "He shouldn't treat you like that, you know." The girl stared up at the door and stared darkly at it. "He's going to pay for it one day…"
    
    I closed my eyes, listening to the words spoken by my fractured imagination. 
    
    I was so alone, save for the company of me, myself and I.
    
    +++++++++++++
    
    For those of you scratching your heads and going 'huh, what's Laura doing here?' I shall explain:
    
    I believe that Laura isn't a real person, like Maria. Like Maria, she could also be considered a part of Mary as a complete opposite of her slutty half. After all, James would find nothing erotic about a bratty eight-year-old, much like his degenerating wife. 
    
    That didn't make any sense whatsoever, did it?
    
    Well I had way too much fun with the Mary/Maria scene.


	3. The end of the beggining

Part 3: The end of the beginning

Drip

Ah, the sound of the I.V drip, the slowly ticking metronome that tirelessly counts the seconds of my life as they slip away to become nothing more than sour memories.

Drip 

I can feel it coming, drawing ever closer as all the functions of my body slowly shut down, one by one. Time seems to have fused into a mass of dull pain and loneliness and I feel that I've lived most of my life bound to this bed, becoming nothing more than a semi-conscious corps.

Drip 

I don't understand why the hospital just turns off the machines that are fighting for my life. It's such a waste. Every now and then, they'll send a nurse in to check if I'm still breathing and I can see the looks of disgust and pity she gives this wretched creature that she has to examine and care for and I loath her for it. Oh well, its not like its any skin off the hospital's nose, they get to bill my husband another extortive bill for all my 'treatment'.

Drip 

James, oh God, every time I think of him, I come that little bit closer to breaking down completely. Everything I've done to him, it's…it…makes me even more of a monster than that novelist, Harry Mason, could describe in his darkest nightmare.

_Drip_

That day was the last time I saw him and to be honest, I can't blame him for not coming back. He hates me, like some ungodly burden he can't wait to be rid off. It's not fair that I should be allowed to drag him down with me, into this void of self-destruction and perhaps, this is for the best.

For both of us and at least now, we can't hurt each other anymore.

Drip 

You know, one thing I've learnt from this? Only in movies staring Merle Streep do the victims of morbid, lethal desises stay pure at heart as everything crumbles around them. Ha, what works of fiction, reality tells a much bitter tale. Being held prisoner in your own corrupting body tends to warp us into bitter creatures, full of malicious spite for those who can be sure they'll wake up tomorrow. Was that why I came to abhor James's company?

Drip 

God! Why did I try so hard to drive him out? He was the only one left who cared and I did everything I could to push him away.

Drip 

Well, I seem to be living long enough to drive myself mad with guilt and I deserve it for all the pain I've put him through.

Drip 

Oh James…

Drip 

What was that? I tried to sit up but my limbs had been replaced by lead weight. Just trying to move sent another wave of sickly coughs that threatened to tare me apart through my body as the sound grew nearer.

Drip 

Through hazy lenses, I could make up the shadow that fell over me.

"Mary"

I could have cried as James's voice filled my head.

"James?" I tried but all that came out was a feeble wheeze followed by more coughing.

"Yes, it's me." Was the monotonous response as the shadow slowly shifted into focus and I saw that it really was him, not some wild hallucination.

"James, I'm so"

"Shhh" He hushed my inaudible response, resting a hand on my burning forehead. "You just rest, you and I, we've both suffered long enough." He gazed at something out the window as he sat down on the bed, next to my skeletal frame.

"I love you." I whispered and he turned to me, tears streaking his face.

Drip 

"I love you too" James bit his lip as he spoke, trying to hold back desolate sobs. I felt the pillow slip away from under my head as he talked. "Oh god, do I love you."

And then everything went black as something fell over my face, hugging it in a soft embrace.

My breath caught in my throat as the hug transgressed into a smothering, iron hold. I tried to fill my lungs but nothing came.

Panic took a hold. My fragile lungs, already ravaged by my condition began to plead for oxygen but the darkness did not relent. I tried to make a grab at the pillow but arms had given up living. I thrashed feebly against the bed, letting out a muffled scream as the pillow was thrust even harder against my face. All I could do was squirm like some miserable worm, the sound of my raspy shallow breaths acting as my final requiem.

Slowly, every thing began to slip out of focus. No longer could I detect the creases of the bed cover or the folds in the pillow. Everything around me lost its sharpness in the dark.

FLASH 

A random thought streaked across my mind…must be losing…touch.

In my       minds eye, I saw that day when we first met, before        either of us had been tainted by the bitterness that would eventually consume us…

FLASH 

I relived the sheer ecstasy      we   both shared the    first time we    made love…

FLASH 

   A    young couple    getting married, filled with hopes    of a happy future that     would never    be…

_FLASH_

A couple    driving home    in   the  rain, everything    they took for granted    had disintegrated    into     nothing….

_FLASH_

Me lying    here, in    all my       corrupted    glory…

FLASH 

Blurring now…images all   one    big     mass of   information   I can't decipher… But   one was clear…

I remembered Silent Hill and all we shared there…

I remembered Silent Hill and all we shared….

I remembered Silent Hill…

I remembered…

I rem

     


	4. Epilouge: Restless Dreams

Epilogue: Restless Dreams

James let the pillow drop from his hand and looked at the thing that had replaced his wife one final time.

He walked from the oppressive, dank room that reeked of death.

"How's your wife, Mr. Sunderland?" A cheery voice hailed from the reception desk as he passed. He didn't bother to look up as he replied.

"She was tired. She should be asleep by now."

He didn't hear her overly optimistic reply.

It was only the next morning, when James received a call from the hospital, telling him that at some time last night, shortly after he'd visited, his wife had tragically passed away that he cried.

Three years later, James had a very different perception of the truth. That was when he got the letter…

Well, It's been emotional…

First off, thanks to everyone who reviewed, your comments have been greatly appreciated and I'm sorry if I annoyed any purist with the Mary/Maria/Laura scene. Oh, and thanks to everyone who put up with the fact I can't spell desise. If you enjoy morbid tales of woe (which is why I guess your reading this) then it would be worth your while to check out Hello Captain's work. Both shame mine horribly.

-See you around…


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